The Phony Campaign

2015-03-08 Update

[phony baloney]

The past week's news arguably had two effects on the Phony Campaign: (1) Hillary has jumped into a solid lead over Jeb (his sky-high hit count number last week was, as expected, a Google Glitch); (2) Joe Biden's back in the running, baby. According to Betfair his odds (8) are better than anyone's, save Hillary (2.16) and Jeb (5.8).

And Bobby Jindal has met our odds threshold (30) as well. Let's give him a big welcome:

Query String Hit Count Change Since
2015-03-01
"Hillary Clinton" phony 1,650,000 +1,229,000
"Jeb Bush" phony 991,000 -3,839,000
"Scott Walker" phony 243,000 +6,000
"Bobby Jindal" phony 196,000 ---
"Joe Biden" phony 166,000 ---
"Rand Paul" phony 164,000 -51,000
"Marco Rubio" phony 87,600 -4,700
"Elizabeth Warren" phony 84,200 -6,500

  • I am not making this up, it's not the Onion, etc. The title on this Donna Brazile column at CNN is "This time, Hillary will run as a woman".

    After spending much of her 2008 campaign seemingly running away from the fact that she is a woman, Hillary Clinton is showing signs that 2016 is going to be a different story.

    It seems that Hillary has found her outer woman, which is to say, she's found the person that she wants to present on the campaign trail, and that person is resolutely female. This time she seems to have decided to fully embrace her womanhood as an asset in her quest for the White House and to trust that the voters will do the same.

    I can't help but translate those last ten words into something more reality-based:

    … and to trust that enough dimwitted and superficial voters will buy into her bullshit.

  • I believe the campaign song will go something like this, to the tune of Helen Reddy's "I am Woman":

    I am woman, vote for me.
    My X-chromosome count is key.
    Don't worry 'bout my brushes with the law.
    Vast right wing conspiracy,
    They just won't let me be.
    Just you wait until l'état, c'est moi.

    Oh yes I am shrill,
    But I'm also insincere!
    My accomplishments are nil,
    But let's make one thing clear:
    If I have to, I will do anything.
    I'm entitled.
    (Entitled!)
    I am electable.
    (Electable!)
    I am woman!

  • It's probably too much to hope that Saturday Night Live and Kate McKinnon will continue this level of Hillary-based satire:


Last Modified 2015-03-08 11:08 AM EST