Pun Salad

²³ The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves,
    but a fool’s heart blurts out folly.

I want to argue with the Proverbialist: "Come on. You have to say that, in many cases, prudence dictates that knowledge be shared with others. How else are people supposed to learn stuff?"

But the second part is on-target. Of course a fool's heart blurts out folly.

Not literally, though. That would be gross.

If you designate a beneficiary on a life insurance policy, should you expect your intent to be honored upon your death? You may not be able to if you live in Minnesota or more than half of the nation’s other states. So said the Supreme Court today—despite the plain language of Constitution’s Contracts Clause, which categorically prohibits states from passing “any … Law impairing the Obligations of Contracts.” The case was Sveen v. Melin. The decision was 8-1, Justice Elena Kagan writing for the Court. The dissent by Justice Neil Gorsuch goes to the heart of the matter.

Yes, Neil Gorsuch was the only one on the side of the Contracts Clause. (Et tu, Clarence Thomas?) For the other eight justices, maybe get a copy of our Amazon Product du Jour.

Among the $3,381,375 the NEA awarded to Massachusetts in its Spring 2017 grants announcement, $15,000 was given to the Boston-based Theater Offensive for its production of “They, Them, Theirs: Showcasing Trans Lives."

The NEA said that the grant would be used “to support the development, production, and tour” of the show, as well as “a post-show analysis about the topics raised through forum theater techniques, discussions, and workshops.”

Once production began, the show’s name was changed to “The Heart of the Matter.” It focuses on the lives and experiences of transgender and “queer” youths and adults of color through narratives set in both the past and the present.

“[‘The Heart of the Matter’] utilizes immersive, participatory performance strategy to challenge theatrical conventions and confront audiences with adult, white, middle-class culpability in the oppressive systems LGBTQ youth face,” Matt Gelman, associate managing director of the Theater Offensive, said in a press release.

I know there are weightier matters. But could we please just defund the National Endowment for the Arts?

 Have you always harbored a secret desire to lurk at dog parks, tirelessly inspect the dogs' genitals in order to record their sexes, observe how frequently they hump each other, and ask their owners personal questions?

If so, you might enjoy a new study, "Human Reactions to Rape Culture and Queer Performativity at Urban Dog Parks in Portland, Oregon." Yes, the paper is about dog-on-dog rape and what it means for feminism and queer theory. Essentially, it posits that studying "rape culture" among animals at the dog park is a useful vehicle for understanding rape among human beings.

Robby read the "study" and found that it wasn't quite as ludicrouse as one might imagine.

The author, one Helen Wilson, lists her affiliation as with the "Portland Ungendering Research Initiative", an organization that I strongly suspect is entirely made up of (and by) Helen Wilson.

Mindy Kaling returned to Dartmouth College to deliver a commencement speech filled with hilarious tidbits from her time on the campus, practical advice -- like, "buy a toilet plunger" -- and other inspirational advice that anyone could use.

Kaling, an alumna of Hanover, New Hampshire, Ivy League college, began her speech by reflecting on her time at the school. She reminded graduates, students and proud parents alike that the New Hampshire state motto is "Live Free or Die."

"But when you're here in January, die actually sounds like a pretty good option," the comedian quipped.

Although the story claims the speech contained "hilarious tidbits", none were actually quoted.