Pun Salad

• One final (we hope) inauguration story: Dave Barry marched in the parade with the World Famous Lawn Rangers of Amazing Arcola (Illinois), and survived to report:

  There are 56 of us, jammed into a school bus with a seating capacity of 46 (there are many flatulence jokes). We join a line of other band buses in a Pentagon parking lot, creeping forward until we reach a security checkpoint, where we are screened by military personnel. One of the Rangers has the following exchange with a security screener:

  SCREENER: What's this?

  RANGER: It's a toilet plunger.

  SCREENER (after a pause): OK.

  Dave's article gave me more hope for the Obama Administation than anything else I've read over the past few days, so if you're like me, check it out. Video, if you can stand the pure awesomeness of it, is available at Dave's blog.

• At the Weekly Standard, Mary Katherine Ham has a nice summary of Barackrobatics on the lobbyist issue: the campaign's promises of "no lobbyists need apply" have turned into "Lobbyist? No problem, as long as you promise to be good." And her quote from a news story covering the announcement made me laugh:

  The event announcing the new openness was closed to all reporters except the handful who are in the White House pool.

  Reminds me of "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

• If you want to know how Obama rolls, however, the LA Times and the Christian Science Monitor will tell you as much as they can about "The Beast", the brand new Presidential limo. Consensus seems to be that it's ugly but effective at keeping the Prez safe from bombs, bullets, small missiles, and gas. Also, I would guess, shoes. But most of the juiciest details are secret, as you'd expect. (Via Bruce Schneier.)

• And the Rochester (NH) Police Log reports:

  Sunday, Jan. 11

  4:17 p.m. -- After a bike theft at Allen School and an associated fight on Knight Street, an officer reports that "some of the juveniles took off behind the house wearing T-shirts." That should be an easy building to spot.

I haven't done this in the past, but here are the nominees, and here are my comments:

• I haven't seen any of the Best Picture nominees. I only want to see two of them: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire. Morons.

• No Gran Torino nominations at all. I haven't seen it, but everything I've heard makes its absence surprising. Jerks.

• The Dark Knight was also relatively snubbed, getting only a Supporting Actor nomination for Heath Ledger and some nominations in minor categories. Weenies.

• So good old Clint's not nominated for Best Actor, but Richard Jenkins is, and in a movie I actually saw, The Visitor. I guess I'll have to find someone else to replace him in my personal "most underrated actor" category, but otherwise, a bright spot in a sea of mud.

• WALL·E is nominated for Best Animated Feature. It should have been nominated for Best Picture. And won. Nitwits.

• Robert Downey, Jr. is nominated for Best Supporting actor in Tropic Thunder. I believe the message here is: "We can't nominate him for his performance in Iron Man, because we don't recognize those kind of movies in the major categories. But he deserves something, so here you go." Cretins.