Fantasy Mission Force

stars] [IMDb Link] [Amazon Link]

Mrs. Salad, knowing my guy-love for Jackie Chan, picked this out of a remainder bin at Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, it's not good. Jackie has just a small part. It's very painful to watch.

It has a Wikipedia article, though, which claims:

A number of reviews consider Fantasy Mission Force a movie that is "so bad its [sic] good."

I'm ordinarily sympathetic to those kinds of movies, but Fantasy Mission Force punches right through "so bad it's good" and marches into "so bad it's bad again" territory. The script seems to have been written by a nine-year-old, bright but with some serious psychological problems. Costume design: his 11-year-old sister. Poorly dubbed by people that I think were just guessing at what the actors might have been saying.

To give you a flavor of the plot, here's one paragraph from Wikipedia:

As they continue on, Don Wen is seemingly killed in a surprise ambush by spear-wielding tribesmen, and soon the group is captured by a tribe of cannibalistic Amazons led by an effeminate man in a tuxedo. After obliterating the Amazon tribe the group spends the night in a haunted house full of hopping vampires (a traditional Chinese supernatural creature) before reaching their goal.

I know, that may sound promising. But trust me, it's not very good at all.

Last Modified 2012-10-08 8:35 AM EST