Pun Salad

… you only give me your funny paper:

• Jim Geraghty speculates on whether my Congressperson, Carol Shea-Porter, might be guilty of a Class B Felony.

  Too good to be true, probably. Although, should it come to that, I bet the state could make some money by offering special "Made by Carol Shea-Porter" license plates. I'd buy one.

• I can't find this George F. Will column at the Washington Post website. It contains his proposed questions for Elena Kagan's confirmation hearings next week. Sample:

  It would be naughty to ask you about litigation heading for the Supreme Court concerning this: Does Congress have the right, under its enumerated power to regulate interstate commerce, to punish the inactivity of not purchasing health insurance? So, instead answer this harmless hypothetical: If Congress decides that interstate commerce is substantially affected by the costs of obesity, may Congress require obese people to purchase participation in programs such as Weight Watchers? If not, why not?

  That's just the first one; all Will's questions are worth asking of a prospective Supreme Court justice. I hope some brave Senator asks them.

• Congresswoman Corrine Brown, representing Florida's 3rd Congressional District, speaks out:

  "Because this is not no game," Brown said. "Don't bring no trash to my yard!"

  This is in response to the offer of Dean Black, her GOP opponent in the upcoming election, to deliver one sandbag to Congresswoman Brown's house for every $24.95 contributed to his campaign. (Yes: it's apparently Black vs. Brown in the November election.) This amusing stunt is intended to remind voters of alleged special treatment Rep. Brown received in 2008 during Tropical Storm Fay; her Jacksonville home was sandbagged by the local officials while the "little people" in the same neighborhood went without.

  Congresswoman Brown, in turn, is offering to file charges if any such thing happens.

  A local station, which apparently employs at least one Star Trek fan named—I am not making this up—"Kirk", reported on the Black reaction:

  

  Good to know. But he should also watch out for the Vulcan nerve pinch… (Via ma belle, Michelle.)

• Dave Barry interview at the AARP Magazine website. Sample:

  Q: You have a lot to say about the American health care system. You don't sound all that convinced, for example, that the government should run it.

  A: No--and who on earth would? As I say in the book, there are intelligent, educated, and well-meaning people out there who seriously believe that we should let Washington redesign our health-care system. It goes without saying that these people live and work in Washington; where else could you find intelligent, educated, well-meaning people who are that stupid?

  Quite possibly the most intelligent article in the history of AARP Magazine.