URLs du Jour

2017-09-01

Proverbs 21:15 returns to a (somewhat boring) sanity:

15 When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous
    but terror to evildoers.

I have no argument there.


■ Otherwise, it's an all-LFOD day here at Pun Salad, as the Google Alert keeps clanging. For example, NE Patriots owner Bob Kraft was up here the other day with an offer one could not refuse: Patriots-inspired lottery tickets debut in New Hampshire.

“We feel very close to the state of New Hampshire,” Kraft told a crowd of about 100. “I love the people. All the people I meet here have that live free or die mentality. It’s about living free and being entrepreneurial and being good to your neighbors, which is so important.”

I'm not sure what Bob's methodology was for detecting an LFOD "mentality", but I'm sure it was psychologically valid.

I don't know (however) if he appreciated the irony of being up here to pimp a state-run gambling enterprise. Try running your own free-market lottery up here, Bob, and see how far an LFOD defense will get you in the courts.


■ Kraft used LFOD to compliment New Hampshire residents. Over at Jalopnik, Michael Ballaban (a self-admitted New Yorker) uses it as an insult: Please Put On A Helmet You're Freaking Us All The Hell Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes, he really did use all those exclamation marks.)

I am not some sort of finger-wagging ninny, I’ll say that upfront.

Reader, can you guess the next word in Ballaban's article?

But I am a human being, and frankly, sir, when I see you riding your motorcycle without a helmet, it makes me nervous as all hell. Stop it. Right now.

I’m in New Hampshire right now with my esteemed colleague, Raphael Orlove, on an adventure full of... things. And for those who have never been here, New Hampshire is the where they take the whole “live free or die” thing extremely seriously, to the extent that you don’t need a car insurance, a seat belt, or even a motorcycle helmet when riding, because all of those things are evil socialism.

Yeah, OK, Mike. Let me invoke this article that ranks states on dangerous drivers: NH is number 48 on that list. New York is a mediocre #32.

Your next paragraph, though:

(The liquor stores, on the other hand, are all government-run, which is also socialism.)

Can't argue with you there, Mike. Also, see lotteries, above.


■ And news from over on the other side of the state involves a Hanover restaurant: Skinny Pancake Adds Waitstaff, Menu Items — And Cocktails. "Skinny Pancake" is a small restaurant chain, and they specialize in crêpes. (Get it?) The article notes the changes at the Hanover location:

These changes are Skinny Pancake’s response to a company-wide customer survey, which indicated that many customers in Hanover wanted more options: non-crepe options, the option for table service and more alcohol options.

Fulfilling these first two requests also will allow Skinny Pancake to meet the third and, in some ways, trickiest one. New Hampshire has what Adler feels are surprisingly puritanical liquor licensing laws, given the Granite State’s live-free-or-die attitude.

I imagine the scenario: a burly Hanover dairy farmer, dragged to Skinny Pancake by his spouse, looking at dozens of crêpe menu items and muttering "Elfod! Is there any way to get a burger and a scotch?"


■ From NH1 news: Attention outdoor enthusiasts: 'North Woods Law: New Hampshire' is back for season 2

I gotta admit, I was unaware of season 1. My bad.

"Whether the Conservation Officers are assisting biologists in managing the state's wildlife, patrolling backcountry roads during hunting season, or conducting search and rescue operations on windswept mountains and roaring rivers, every day presents a new challenge in the Live Free or Die state," the [Animal Planet] promotion continued.

At the link, you'll see a Conservation Officer pointing his shotgun at some unspecified target. I can imagine him saying, Dirty Harry-style: "You've gotta ask yourself one question, punk: Live Free … Or Die?"


■ There's more serious stuff too, for example "TheNewspaper.com" notes that US Border Patrol Sets Up New Hampshire. At issue is a roadblock set up in Woodstock, not particularly near the Canadian border.

Despite the motto "Live Free or Die" on its license plates, New Hampshire has accelerated the use of roadblocks throughout the state. Earlier this year the state legislature gave Border Patrol agents operating to the north in Coos County the full authority of state law enforcement officers.

That's another part of the LFOD usage taxonomy: people tend to invoke it whenever the state is involved in doing something they dislike. More sensible than not, I suppose.

What's missing from the TheNewspaper.com story? Let's try the Union Leader:

Federal border patrol agents arrested 25 illegal aliens during a three-day checkpoint this past weekend on Interstate 93 south in Thornton, the first such checkpoint in the Granite State in five years, the agency said.

Also: two pounds of pot, "smaller amounts of cocaine, psilocybin mushrooms and hash oil."


■ Commie Radio has the story over in our part of the state: The Legacy of the N.H.-Maine Lobster War and Why It May Wage On. Why? Because (1) out at sea the border between the states is ill-defined; (2) Maine and New Hampshire differ in acceptable lobster sizes by one-sixteenth of an inch. "Of course you know, this means war."

What's LFOD got to do with it, you ask? Well, the War has been proceeding since 1973, when Mel Thomson was Governor. And (since it's NH Public Radio) they list off Mel's many sins, including

He the replaced the word “Scenic” on the state license plate with “Live Free or Die.”

I'd like to thank Mel, but this is Fake News: the legislature mandated LFOD in 1969, Mel became Governor in 1973.

■ And oftentimes, LFOD shows up in non-New Hampshire news, for example: When movie franchises go for a fourth...

Other examples of fourth instalments that didn’t work include Live Free or Die Hard, which manages to be less fun or coherent than any of its predecessors (and yet they made another one after that…)

I don't know how many Granite Staters went to that movie expecting to see some exciting John McClane action up in the White Mountains or something. But no. Maybe we could put together a class action suit?