The Marine

[Amazon Link] [2.5
stars] [IMDb Link]

This movie is put together by "WWE", World Wrestling Entertainment. The hero, John Triton, is a pro wrestling superstar. I must quote from the DVD box:

WWE champion John Cena dominates the big screen as Marine John Triton. Wherever there's danger, Triton is usually smack dab in the middle of it... and he doesn't play by the rules! After he's unwillingly discharged from Iraq, Triton's beautiful wife Kate ("Nip/Tuck's" Kelly Carlson) is kidnapped by merciless jewel thieves led by a vicious killer (Robert Patrick)! Now, Triton must fight to save her, utilizing his most powerful weapon - himself!
I went in with very low expectations, and so wasn't disappointed. The plot was ludicrous, but straightforward. There were some funny lines (all from the bad guys, I think), and the acting was better than you might expect. The filmmakers followed some pretty simple rules:
  • Any large sheet of glass will eventually either be shot at, or have people hurled through it;

  • If large gasoline or propane tanks are present, they will explode in impossibly large fireballs within minutes;

  • Any wheeled vehicle will be eventually destroyed; Blowing it up (in an impossibly large fireball) is best, but driving it off a cliff or pier is acceptable too, as long as it's also on fire or full of bullet holes;

  • Despite undergoing multiple instances of physical stress that would (at minimum) land any mortal in the hospital for a week, the hero will persevere in kicking ass, until all asses are ultimately kicked.

The theatrical release was rated PG-13. The blaring UNRATED on the DVD means, I'm pretty sure, that a few frames of violent content were patched in, which would raise the rating to about a PG-16 or so.

Last Modified 2012-10-19 2:23 PM EDT