Pun Salad

The standard disclaimer for Johnny Depp movies: Mrs. Salad loooves Johnny Depp. But this one didn't even make it for her.

Folks of a certain age might remember that "Dark Shadows" was an actual soap opera on Daytime TV back in the 60s. I think I may have watched 5 minutes of it back in 1966. This incarnation is played more for goofy laughs.

Mr. Depp plays Barnabas Collins, heir to a fishing magnate in coastal Maine back in the 18th century. But he makes the mistake of jilting a witch, Angelique, a psycho who destroys his true love and turns him into a vampire. The townspeople, outraged at his subsequent thirst for their blood, bury him alive.

And so things sit until 1972, when he's accidentally dug up by a construction crew. After making short work of them, Barnabas returns to his manor to find the dissolute remains of his family, together with a bunch of ne'er-do-well hangers on. And worse, Angelique is still around to make trouble.

There's a huge pile of well-known acting talent in addition to Mr. Depp: Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, a near-unrecognizable Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, Christopher Lee. And, let's face it, any movie with Christopher Lee is not gonna totally suck. (Heh. Get it?)

It's genuinely funny in spots, but too much of the humor is forced.