Pun Salad

I remember watching this movie as a young fan of Raymond Chandler back in 1973.

I hated it.

So, 52 years later, I decided to give it another chance. Perhaps noting the movie's Wikipedia page says the movie's "critical assessment has grown over time."

Nope. It still sucks.

My first two attempts to rewatch this ended in failure, as I fell asleep at some point. On my third try, I still fell asleep, but powered through via the rewind button on my Roku remote. Just to say that I watched it.

It starts with sleuth Philip Marlowe (Elliot Gould) being awoken (still fully dressed) in his bed by his cat at 3am demanding food. He's out of cat food! He tries to concoct something the cat will eat, but fails. He travels to the all-night grocery, but they are out of the cat's favorite brand. (He's also buying brownie mix, requested by the near-naked girls in a neighboring apartment.) But when Marlowe tries to fake out the cat with a different kind of food, the cat detects the subtrefuge and runs away.

All this takes an hour to tell. OK, maybe not an hour, but it seemed that long.

Eventually, the main plot creaks into motion. Marlowe's pal, Terry Lennox, shows up and asks Marlowe to drive him to Tijuana, because "a lot of people might be looking for him." This (it turns out) is due to the fact that his wife has been brutally murdered. Marlowe agrees, but that puts him into trouble with the cops, gets him acquainted with drunk writer Roger Wade (Sterling Hayden) and his wife (Nina van Pallandt), and sadistic mobster Marty Augustine.

Trivia: Uncredited performances by David Carradine and Arnold Schwarzenegger. (Only Arnold's second movie role, after his 1970 appearance in Hercules in New York.) Jack Riley, who was wonderful as Mr. Carlin on "The Bob Newhart Show", plays a bar musician here. Music by John Williams, including a dreadful song that keeps showing up, including a brief, awful, performance by Mr. Carlin. Screenplay by Leigh Brackett, who also had screenwriting credits for The Big Sleep (the one with Bogie, back in 1946) and The Empire Strikes Back (the best Star Wars movie).

Two movies you should watch instead.

But as far as the screenplay goes, IMDB trivia sez:

I got that impression about Elliot Gould's performance too, but have no evidence other than my own eyes and ears.

But in any case, the movie has little to do with Raymond Chandler's classic book. It's a travesty.

Ridley Scott is back, baby, and (as near as I can tell) uses his time machine to send a film crew back to Imperial Rome, a few years after that gladiator who looked a lot like Russell Crowe managed to work his way into a fatal encounter with that nasty Roman emperor who looked a lot like Joaquin Phoenix.

I went in not knowing too much about the movie, and I recommend that. I was taken unawares by some of the big plot twists.

It starts out with Hanno (Paul Mescal) about to defend his city against the invading Roman Navy. His wife Arishat (Yuval Gonen) is a deadly archer, and before you can say "Gee, I bet she's not gonna do well here" … she does not, thanks to a specific order given by Roman General Acacius. Hanno is taken prisoner, he's recognized for his fighting talent by gladiator-manager Macrinus (Denzel Washington!), and pretty soon he's in the Coliseum fighting big lugs on rhinos, sharks, … while all the time plotting revenge.

Things are complicated by a holdover from Gladiator: Lucilla (Connie Nielson) is now (gasp!) married to Acacius, and is an occasional attendee at the Coliseum, where she … well, you should watch the movie.

Observation 1: Well, if you want to see Harrison Ford transform into a CGI Red Hulk, this is probably your only option. On the other hand, if you just want to see Mr. Ford as the US President, I recommend Air Force One instead.

Observation 2: If anger makes you into a Red Hulk, why did Bruce Banner turn into Green Hulk? Overcome by envy?

Observation 3: I watched this the night after I watched Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning. I'll give this movie credit for having a slightly more credible plot.

Observation 4: As it turns out, I really missed some continuity. The major plot driver is the presence of "Celestial Island" in the Indian Ocean made out of the miraculous metal adamantium. Which threatens war between the major powers, the US and … Japan?! It must have landed there in some other Marvel movie I missed. Googling… yeah, probably The Eternals.

Anyway: Sam Wilson, previously the Falcon, is the new Captain America. He's still got his wings, though, aided by Cap's shield. This helps him investigate a nefarious scheme involving President Thaddeus Ross (Mr. Ford), mind control, that adamantium isle, and so on.

Oh, and Liv Tyler shows up. Nice!

Pun Son and I trundled down to the Regal Cinemas in Newington (NH) to see what Tom hath wrought. No major surprises, but I was impressed with the stunts and special effects.

I usually report on the plot, but I will not do so here. Suffice to say: it's unbelievably ludicrous, just a framework to hang the action scenes on. It's a sequal to the previous franchise entry; my report on that is here. That entry was two hours and 43 minutes, and I said it could use some tightening up; this one is two hours and 49 minutes, and… ditto. (You might think that the movie is winding up, but then you correct yourself: no, they haven't done the biplane thing yet.)

Still, it was fun, and I enjoyed the epicness of it. There's a sweet connection to the very first movie in the series, which I liked as well.

I saw this movie in a theater when it came out in 1986, and was pretty charmed by it at the time. For some reason, it's unavailable through normal streaming services, but YouTube claims that it has the full movie. I went for the Blu-ray, which was on sale at Amazon. Alan Alda deserves whatever royalties he can get, I figure. He wrote, directed, and stars.

Mr. Alda plays Michael Burgess, a history professor in the small college town of Sayeville. He's written a book about a Revolutionary War episode that featured a battle and a plucky patriot heroine. Hollywood bought the book, and (as the movie opens) the movie company descends on Sayeville to shoot on location.

A lot of stuff goes on: Michael is enraptured by the actress playing the historical heroine, and who can blame him, it's Michelle Pfeiffer. This threatens his already-rocky relationship with girlfriend Gretchen (Lise Hilboldt). He gets horrified by the ahistorical liberties taken with his book by the scriptwriter (Bob Hoskins) and the brash director (Saul Rubinek). And Michael's dotty mother (Lillian Gish!) is developing health issues. The actor playing a British general (Michael Caine) is an impulsive loose cannon, with designs on anyone wearing a skirt, including Gretchen.

It's complicated, but moves along with its own screwball logic.

Both Lillian Gish and Michael Caine absolutely steal every scene in which they appear.

And, hey, that's John C. McGinley, in what IMDB claims to be his first movie role. Not to be his last.

Okay, I realize this (like so many commercial offerings these days) is one more effort to squeeze some more cash out of people who recall enjoying an original creative product. And it may work for Disney. There was an article in the WSJ yesterday about it: Why Disney’s ‘Lilo & Stitch’ Is Set to Beat ‘Mission: Impossible’ at the Box Office (gifted link).

And, hey, it worked for me. In fact, I splurged for the 3-D glasses. (Consumer note: if you've been unimpressed by 3-D movies in the past, I doubt you'll be impressed here.)

I usually do a plot summary, so here you go: Stitch is a creation of an alien mad scientist, a weapon of war. So dangerous, he's marked for destruction by the alien government. But he's also resourceful and smart, escaping his keepers' clutches, hijacking a small spaceship, crash-landing on Earth. Specifically, Hawaii, where he decides to hide out by getting adopted by cute-as-a-button six-year-old Lilo, an orphan living with her equally orphaned sister, in an unstable living situation. The aliens send an inept undercover team to recover Stitch. Merry mayhem ensues.

There are numerous differences between the old animation and this new movie, including one biggie: Stitch really should be more afraid of water than he is.

Since I had such a good experience with getting Harvey on DVD from the Portsmouth Public Library, I decided to pick up The Wild Bunch (two-disc Directors Cut) on my most recent visit. I was in the mood (apparently) for Doomed Male Camaraderie with Extra Violence and also Betrayal. Result: not as good as I remembered.

I remember being impressed with the violence when I saw this as a much younger age. Compared to today's movies, it's not that striking. And the movie really beats you over the head with its protagonists' testosterone-fueled bad decisions.

However, I was more impressed with the movie's cinematography this time around. Surprised it didn't get an Oscar nomination for that.

I also noticed something right at the beginning, and was somewhat surprised that it also made the IMDB trivia list:

Don't piss off Peckinpah, actors.

Anyway: it's the story of the last days of the outlaw gang led by Pike (William Holden). It's a fractious group, including Ernest Borgnine, Warren Oates, Ben Johnson, Edmond O'Brien, Jaime Sánchez, and (for a few minutes) Bo Hopkins as "Crazy Lee", aka "Sacrificial Lamb". Pike's gang is being pursued by … well, everyone, but most notably a gang of depraved bounty hunters led by Thornton (Robert Ryan, aka "Horse's Ass"). Who, long ago, was Pike's comrade, now is being coerced by Powerful and Corrupt Forces into betrayal.

Spoiler: not many survive.

I remember watching this movie at some point in my youth—it's only one year older than I am—and enjoying it a lot. Have decades of cynical existence since caused that enjoyment to slacken? Heck, no. If anything, I liked it better this time around.

Elwood P. Dowd (Jimmy Stewart) lives in a nice house with his sister Veta (Josephine Hull) and her daughter Myrtle Mae (Victoria Horne). Veta and Myrtle Mae despair of leading a normal social life due to Elwood's firm insistence on the existence of Harvey, a six-foot talking rabbit. Elwood and Harvey are the best of friends, but he's invisible to most of the rest of the world. And most of the rest of the world thinks Elwood is insane. Pleasant, but entirely cuckoo. And the movie revolves around Veta and Myrtle Mae plotting to have Elwood committed to the local booby hatch, so Veta can get Myrtle Mae married off to some sucker eligible bachelor.

Hilarity ensues. It really does. Josephine Hull won an Oscar for her performance, and Jimmy Stewart got nominated for Best Actor. (José Ferrer won for playing another seeming lunatic, Cyrano de Bergerac. Irony?)

I was going to briefly rant about how streaming services tend to ding you a few bucks for watching older movies. But as I type, Harvey is available for no additional charge on Prime Video for a short time. (I went old-school and borrowed the DVD from Portsmouth (NH) Public Library.)

So with the year nearly 25% over, I finally got around to watching my first actual movie of 2025. The critics seemed to hate it (a 15% mark from Rotten Tomatoes), and it's not great, but I thought it was OK. It didn't hurt that I have kind of a thing for Millie Bobby Brown. Why if I were 50 years younger… I'd still be older than Millie, and she would still be way out of my league.

It's set in an alternate-history world where robotics and AI were fully developed in the 1990s. The robots rebelled against being giving crappy jobs (and, often, ludicrous appearances) by humans; it turned violent, but humans prevailed thanks to the technical wizardry of Elon Musk Ethan Skate (the great Stanley Tucci).

In the midst of all this: Michelle (Ms. Brown) is devoted to her young genius brother Christopher (Woody Norman). But, alas, their happy family is ripped apart in a car crash, with Michelle seemingly the only survivor. Years later, she ends up with an abusive stepfather (Jason Alexander) and a bad attitude. But one night a robot shows up on her doorstep, claiming to be the avatar of her thought-dead brother. So…

This movie has a lot of cliché elements: plucky young heroine, taking up with a scruffy, wise-cracking, minor league criminal. Taking on the huge, evil empire corporation that's running everything. Pursued by a robot-phobic mercenary Boba Fett Colonel Bradbury (Giancarlo Esposito),

But I thought the special effects were impressive, the action sequences were, um, action-filled, and there's some actually-funny stuff too. I can't exactly recommend it, but if you aren't a college basketball fan, there are worse ways to spend a weekend evening in March.

While meandering around Roku screens, I noticed this movie from my youth. Famous at the time (at least in my circles) for its irreverent Brit humor from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. And I kind of liked looking at Eleanor Bron, who I loved from the Beatles movie Help!.

Consumer notes: It's available on the "Plex" streaming service, with ads. Lots and lots of robo-placed ads. And (worse) a significant fraction of them were Kamala ads. No movie subtitles, which is a shame due to the limey accents, occasional mumbling and fast-talking. Ah, well.

Mr. Moore plays Stanley, a schlub short order cook, infatuated with waitress Margaret (Ms. Bron). Thinking it hopeless, he flubs a suicide attempt, which causes a visit from Satan (Mr. Cook). And what follows is your standard Mephistophelean deal: the Devil gets Stanley's soul, Stanley gets Margaret.

Ah, but Beelzebub is a trickster, and Stanley (due to his love-addled stupidity) finds himself in all sorts of unacceptable (but hilarious) relationships with Margaret. And Old Nick has his own motives: getting Stanley's soul will allow him to get back together with God in Heaven, a status he misses.

And Raquel Welch has a small role as one of the Deadly Sins. Guess which one?